


5 Times Steve Thinks He's Smaller Than He Is + 1 Time He's Wrong

by Starbucks_ed (Thorki_ed)



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Attempt at Humor, BASICALLY STEVE HAS NO IDEA HOW BIG HE IS, Bucky god help him is a patient angel, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, M/M, Teamwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 15:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/Starbucks_ed
Summary: Stretching my fingers/practicing for the Stucky AU Big Bang; be sure to check it out!A little story of how Steve has no idea what size he actually is, and poor Bucky is always left to deal with his boyfriend's idiocy.





	5 Times Steve Thinks He's Smaller Than He Is + 1 Time He's Wrong

ONE

 

The first time, it's not really big deal at all. They gather around the commons room table, take out boxes and utensils lying just about everywhere. Bucky places two heaping plates in his spot because he claims it's too much work getting up for seconds. Thor is to his right with his own mound of food, but since he gets up for thirds and fourths it doesn't bother him to only use one plate. Tony's plate is a mess, much like his hair, and the indiscriminate pooling of sauces doesn't phase him. It does, however, probably offended Natasha, whose plate is organized and sectioned so that none of the sauces are touching each other. Clint's plate is mostly meats and noodles. The only vegetable on his plate is carrot, even though there's only a veggie medley which means he’d picked them out specifically. Bruce only has appetizers on his plate, preferring to eat in rounds. Coming full circle, Steve has a modest plate with rice, veggies, and meats and it looks well-rounded. For someone who didn't have a super metabolism.

 

“That's it?” Bucky asks in bewilderment. Steve furrows his eyebrows.

 

“Whaddya mean, that's plenty.” Bucky rolls his eyes.

 

“Not for a guy who weighs 240 pounds.” Steve pouts, and Clint laughs.

 

“I'm fine,” he says stubbornly. They don't say anything when he finishes his plate and steals some food off Bucky's.

 

\-----

TWO

 

The second time it happens, it's Natasha that gets the worst of it. It's a rare night, where they get called in but finish the job quickly without any complications. They decide to call it a movie night since they're in such high spirits. Tony, Bruce, and Thor take up the sectional, and Clint burrows himself in the purple bean bag chair with his popcorn. It leaves Natasha and Bucky to share the love seat. Steve, having adamantly insisted he wanted a bath first, comes late to the party. He analyzes the situation and thinks there's more space on the loveseat and moves to plop in between his friends.

 

“Oof!” Natasha glares at him, contorted and pressed against the side of the couch, Bucky twisting his hips to get free. Steve frowns.

 

“Huh, I could've sworn there was enough room…”

 

“ _This goddamn elephant,”_ Bucky hisses in Russian through gritted teeth, shifting so he's now angled diagonally, and has to spread his arms over the side and back of the couch and Natasha, smirking at Bucky’s comment, has swung her legs out so they're on top of Steve's lap. It's snug, but it works alright. Clint throws popcorn at them and both Natasha and Bucky are content to let the kernels bounce of Steve's face before eating them off his lap.

 

\-----

THREE

 

The third time, Bucky almost punched the guy. They're out in _Texas_ and it’s friggin _hot_ and Bucky hates it. He's wearing too much black and the Kevlar makes him sweat and he can't even _look_ at Natasha in her _leather_ right now. He's irritable, and it shows in his animalistic fighting, tearing the robots apart with nothing but his hands.

 

“Steve, what are you doing!”

 

Bucky's head snaps to attention at Tony's voice over the comms.

 

“No don't do that. Cap!”

 

Bucky rushes to the red and gold dot in the sky, needing to see what his idiot friend decided to do, something so reckless that even Tony Stark was against it.

 

“Don't worry, I've seen Natasha do it a thousand times.”

 

Before Bucky can chew him out, Steve jumps. From a sixth story window of a burning building. Even Bucky grimaces as he watches the split second action, followed by the sickening crunch of bones. He gets to Steve in five seconds, and smacks him upside the head.

 

“Ow!”

 

Bucky then dutifully carries Steve away from the burning building, because he's a good friend like that.

 

“Have you lost your fucking mind!” He spits out. “Tony was _right there_ . You had to wait five seconds - _five!_ ”

 

“I'm fine, it's fine, I really thought I could curl up… I don't get how you do it,” he directs the last part at Natasha who looks mostly amused. Bucky growls in frustration. He lets go of Steve, watching the man crumble into a pile of righteousness and freedom and broken ankles. He points at Natasha.

 

“130 pounds.” Then he turns on Steve and points in his face.

 

“ _240.”_ He throws his hands in the air as he walks away, Natasha tsk-ing and chuckling behind him. Thor helps the captain up and Steve's glad he had at least _one_ friend.

 

\-----

 

FOUR

 

The fourth time is just comical. Tony, Steve, and Bruce are out to get shawarma for the group, leaving Natasha and Bucky to sharpen knives and plan world domination, Thor in Asgard. It's not far from the tower, so really there shouldn't be any trouble. Except it's Steve.

 

They hear a small mew come from the sidewalk and Steve's eyes widen as his “help me” senses begin to tingle. He has Bruce hold his bags and searches for the source of the distress call. When he does, he waves the two over. Tony fishes his keychain out and, of course, there's a flashlight in one of the gadgets.

 

“Don't worry little buddy, I'm coming,” Steve coos as he sees a pair of bright blue eyes.

 

“Uh-” Tony starts. He almost stops Steve, but he's glad he didn't. It's worth everything when Steve rips the grate off and reaches in. The kitten sees its opening, and jumps onto Steve's outreached arm, running the whole length before exiting the grate via Steve's back. The surprise of it makes Steve lose his balance and tip over, effectively leaving Steve's lower body on display for onlookers. The kitten darts onto the street and into an alley, and Tony whips out his phone, face streaked with tears of laughter. The picture is only a tad blurry from Tony's shaking hand but it is undoubtedly Steve's ass sticking up from a sewer drain as his torso gets stuck.

 

He sends it to Bucky while Bruce tries to help Steve unj-am his shoulders.

 

Bucky almost has a nosebleed.

 

\-----

 

FIVE

 

The thing most people don't know about Steve is that he's a really big wuss when it comes to pop-up horror. You can't tell, really, because he can watch thriller and horror movies all day, and not even flinch. But, with Clint in a pranking mood lately, nobody is safe.

 

It happens at dinner, when everyone piles in and starts grabbing plates. The unfortunate soul to look in the fridge would be the one to get a faceful of realistic zombie heads, complete with blood and a spring to propel the prop forward.

 

That unfortunate soul is Steve.

 

“Who wants juice?” He asks, hand on the fridge door. Clint almost dies with anticipation.

 

“I'll take some,” Bucky says, right behind Steve.

 

“What ki-AAAH!” None of them expect the sound that rips from Steve throat, or for him to leap that high. And into Bucky's arms.  To Bucky's credit, the soldier hadn't flinched, just curled his arms up and prepared for the pile of super soldier to land in them.

 

“WHY!” Steve shouts, eyes just about to fall out of his head. Bucky blinks at Steve, narrows his eyes at Clint knowingly, and nudges Steve's hair with his nose.

 

“C'mon, Stevie. It's a fake. Pour me some apple juice wouldja?” He’s visibly tired from today's mission.

 

“NO!”

 

“Would you cut me some slack,” Bucky sighs. Then he calmly lowers Steve and makes a show of handing him an empty glass.

 

Steve frowns, toes the prop cautiously before stepping around it for the container of apple juice.

 

“Can I have a glass too?” Clint asks with a Cheshire smile.

 

“Go fuck yourself,” Steve and Bucky say in perfect unison, and the whole team laughs.

 

\-----  

 

+1

 

“Steve what the fuck are you doing,” Bucky says flatly. He looks at Steve who awkwardly comes out of the changing room in a shirt that's _way_ too big for him.

 

“It was a nice colour,” Steve defends, playing with the fabric at the hem.

 

“It's a _triple large_ ,” Bucky says incredulously.

 

“I thought it'd be tighter. Besides, you're always on my case about being _240 pounds_ ,” he mimics in a high pitched voice that clearly doesn't belong to Bucky.

 

“Jesus Christ don't get all sensitive on me,” Bucky rolls his eyes. “I said pounds, not _tonnes_. Wait here.”

 

Bucky, for having a pretty low key wardrobe, picks out a handful of really nice outfits. _In the right size._

 

“Try these,” he says, shoving Steve back in the changing room.

 

“Buck, these might be a bit tight -” but Bucky's already closed the door on him with a satisfying click.

 

He's about to break the door down after five minutes when Steve reluctantly steps out. His slacks are a dark grey, and his navy shirt is stretched perfectly over his chest. The loose white over shirt has its sleeves rolled up, and Bucky's eyes brighten considerably.

 

“Perfect. Yes. Good. Let's go,” he ushers Steve back in so they can check out as quickly as possible. Steve may have looked good in those clothes, but Bucky knows he looks better without anything on at all.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read! I've been writing for the Stucky AU Big Bang (my first big project since returning to writing) and I thought I'd flex my fingers a bit.
> 
> Come join me at http://off-duty-librarian.tumblr.com/ or some of you may know me from http://thorki-smut.tumblr.com/ (deceiving name, sorry).
> 
> Be sure to check out the amazing works that are being posted in the Stucky AU Bang! I'll be posting March 3rd!
> 
> xoxo


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